I was going to have Logan type this up for me later, but he won't be here till two-ish. So I decided to just go ahead and type it, in all my left-handed glory!
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The nurse called "Jessica" and brought my parents and I back into the
anaesthesia room. She called it the "going to sleep" room. There were stars and a moon on the ceiling that lit up. It still didn't seem inviting, looking at all the machines and drugs laid out to give me. She had me change into a gown and told me to just relax on the bed for a while. Toy Story 3 came on the TV in front of me.
Dr. Hanel, my fantastic surgeon, came in a few minutes later. He explained what was going to happen. He said it appeared that there was more
tumor growth above where the original area was, that was just wide and flat so you couldn't see it poking out like the main part. He said since he'd be taking such a wide area, he'd
take some skin from the side of my hand to fill it in.
He explained the pain meds. He said that he'd be giving me a
wrist block during the surgery, and it would completely numb my wrist to my fingertips, and would last from 6 to 16 hours. He said "it's like when you get
Novocaine at the dentist" (that was the first red flag - Novocaine didn't work at all when I got my cavities filled last summer. I felt the pain of the drilling the whole time.) Dr. Hanel said that with the block,
I'd be pain free that day, probably even go to sleep without pain. He said when the block wears off it gets that "pins and needles" tingly feeling. He said then I'd only need the prescribed painkiller once the first night, once the next morning for sure, then after that just taken when needed.
He left and the anaesthesiologist and his assistants came in. He looked over my medical charts, asked some questions, and asked what flavor of laughing gas I wanted. I knew laughing gas never worked on me anyways, but I still chose the root beer scent. He had it turned up all the way, asked if I was feeling different. "No," I said. I could tell they were about to put in the IV, which would put me to sleep. The nurse started going down the checklist and the anaesthesiologist was answering her questions. The last thing I heard was the nurse asking "difficult airway?" The anaesthesiologist replied, "anticipated."
Then I was out.
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When I woke up in the recovery room, for the first 5 minutes I didn't know where I was, why my throat hurt so much (they
intubated me), or why there was a big,
blue cast on my hand. I had just thought I was sleeping through the night, and was surprised to not be in my own bed. More like a 7 year old than a 17 year old, I started crying, and asking "Mom? Mom?" A nurse appeared and said I couldn't see my parents until I was fully awake. I said I was. She wouldn't bring them back for a long time. I asked why my throat hurt. She said it was because during the surgery, they had to stick a
breathing tube down it. I asked why the top of my left hand hurt so bad. She said it was because they tried doing an IV there, but it didn't work, so they went for my arm instead. I asked why my cast was blue. She said blue was the only color coband they have. (I'm going to cover it in skin colored coband so it's less noticeable and wont clash with what I'm wearing.)
My finger started to hurt a little, and my whole hand got that pins and needles feeling. I could tell it was the
wrist block wearing off. The one that was supposed to help me have a pain-free day and night. Wearing off after an hour.
Dr. Hanel came in. I could tell he was proud of himself. Because he's an awesome surgeon, and only wanted me hurting in one place, not two, he was
able to avoid the skin graft! He told me they still got all of it (it was bigger than it looked from the outside) and took wide margins, but he was able to
rearrange and stretch the skin on my finger to fill in where they took skin out! They were probably only able to do that because my skin is slightly stretchier from my
EDS. Hah - hidden blessing!
Also, originally the plan was cast on for 3 to 6 weeks. But Dr. Hanel is determined to get me out of it before my school prom May 19th :) So I'm going back on the 15th, they are going to open the cast and see how it's doing, and then hopefully I'll just have a
splint and some mild
dressings on my hand by prom! :)
So now my tumor is being shipped all over the country to get figured out.
Then he left and my parents came in. By then I could tell the block had worn off. I was crying in excruciating pain. The nurse was rude and didn't seem to believe that the block wore off so early. But she still gave me
morphine in my IV and tylenol pills to take. Apparently
morphine doesn't work. I was still in pain, and it annoyed the nurse. She quickly discharged me. Got into the car and headed home, trying to hold back my sobs in pain so I wouldn't worry my mom and boyfriend who were in the car.
Mom said I couldn't take the painkiller till I ate something, so we drove through McDonalds. The poor guy at the drive through window probably thought I was dying, despite my best efforts to turn the other way and silence what had turned into screams of pain. It felt like a knife was slicing through it, like my stitches were ripping apart.
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Finally got home and laid down on the couch. I ate a bun, lettuce, and tomato. Mom gave me a
painkiller. It was a while before it kicked in. First it made me feel
disoriented and really really sleepy. I literally couldn't keep my eyes open, so I rested them closed for over an hour. But even with the painkiller, which brought my pain down from a 10 to a 7... I still was in too much pain to fall asleep.
So here's a dilemma: since the block didn't work, I had to take 3 doses of the painkiller yesterday (when I was only supposed to have 1 - because they thought the wrist block would work). I only have 2 doses left.
I really hope my pain level goes down soon.... *please stop hurting and start healing*!!
I've got things to do, people to see - my life to move on with! Can't do all that when the pain is keeping me up so much I can't sleep.
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Alright - so a recap/breakdown:
The not-so-good
- a lot, lot, LOT of pain
- wrist block didn't work...
- ...so now I'm running out of painkillers
- in too much pain to sleep
- I'm realizing how hard things are with just one available hand (and it's my non-dominant one)
- Also:
- my little brother bit through the skin below his lower lip yesterday :( poor buddy
- my friend Lauren is back at the hospital with an infection at her surgery site :(
But, the important part:
THE GOOD
- thanks to my awesome surgeon, no skin graft! just rearranging and stretching the skin in the area. If just this hurts this bad, I can't imagine how badly the skin graft would've hurt
- also thanks to my awesome surgeon, there's a good chance I won't have my cast, just a splint and dressings, by my school prom!
- Bartells has skin-colored coband! So I'm gonna get some and wrap it to cover up this ugly blue coband!
- since I can't wear a jacket, I'm going to go to Value Village and get a cheap hoodie and make it so I can wear it with my cast! Will take some scissors and sewing...which normally I can do, but not now.... so I'll have to count on my mom (who never sews) to help!
- Yesterday I watched the Lion King, Snow White, and Up. Up was in Spanish. Mr. Fredrickson sounds even grumpier in Spanish.
- My friend Lisa stopped by to visit for a while :)
- The meds don't give me the "loopy" side effects I thought they would, so I'm still in control of what I say and do, which is really good
- This is giving me really good left-hand typing practice, which I need for work! (although it's pretty rough on my left hand joints)
- And most of all, I know that this pain is not permanent. I know it'll be a while before things will go back to normal completely, but I also know I can get through this! :)
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Well that was really rough, and who knows if it'll even be read, but it was good lefty-hand exercise and brain exercise to type that up. Even though it took literally two hours to do. With both hands it would've taken 20 minutes - hah! Sorry for such a long post :) thanks to those who stuck with me! I must go now and take my second-to-last painkiller...
<3 I hope everyone is doing well!
(my best attempt at a smile right now - so tired!)
