When struggling through life lately, it's been way too easy to get down in the dumps about things...But what has always worked to pick me up is my perspective on life. I look at all the little things I'm blessed with, and I even take not-so-great situations and find the positive in them. It's hard sometimes, but a change in your attitude can really make the difference between your happiness or despair. No matter the conditions you're presented with. Some of the happiest people are the people who are going through hell, while some of the saddest people are the people who have everything they need and want. So, enough lecturing; without further ado, here is my 2012 Thanksgiving thankful list.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I am thankful for...
my mom, dad, sister, brother, my wonderful boyfriend, my cat Noodle, my family's dogs Max and Molly, my closest friends (you know who you are!), this tiny wonderful apartment I get to share with my best friend and soul mate, the little 4 foot christmas tree in the corner, my laptop, my electricity bill because it means I have lights and a microwave to make food, (oh and I'm thankful for the convenience and cheapness of top ramen and frozen meals), I'm thankful to have two jobs (and more opportunities coming!) in this economy, for the comcast bill because it's letting me use facebook and netflix and type this right now, for homework because it means that I'm pursuing my degree, for Logan's TV and xbox and all the furniture he already had that we needed, I'm thankful for all my health problems because they have made me such an empathetic and caring person, for the mysterious "grand plan" Logan has to propose to me even though it makes me impatient, I'm thankful that Taylor had such a fulfilling life and a wonderful impact on people before she passed, for the little getaway trip to Leavenworth than L and I are planning in December, for the Christmas season that is approaching (and for Christmas music that is already on the radio!), for my guitar and my ability to sing, for my shoe collection, for the ability to walk around most days (no matter how painful it is! The fact is I CAN walk), for all my doctors for honestly trying their best, especially for my pulmonologist who has been really trying to help me lately (even though I don't like the breathing treatments and meds she prescribes!), for my geneticist who finally diagnosed me with EDS after years of questioning and misdiagnoses and searching for answers, for Ikea, for snow and winter and cold, for my online support system of people my age facing similar difficulties, for the ability and for the motivation to go out of my way to try and help people, for hot water and showers (some people spend their whole life without these sorts of things!), for my 12am to 12pm shift I get to work on Black Friday because I'll be making money from it, for long talks, late nights, sleeping in on weekends, for pickles and potatoes and cheese and all my other favorite foods, for ice cream and cuddles and Dennys, for having a boyfriend who is supportive and loving and willing to stay up in the hospital with me when I'm in there and can't sleep, for garage sales and puppies, for having somewhere to go for Thanksgiving dinner this year.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I could have gone on, because I can think of many more things I'm thankful for, but I figure I wouldn't bore everyone to oblivion. All I can say is Happy Thanksgiving, and I hope you put things into perspective and find a lot to be thankful for this year (and every day, for that matter!)
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
Pulmonary and Sleepiness
I'm sitting on the couch, gazing at the glowing 4 foot Christmas tree we put up and decorated too early because I just couldn't wait until after Thanksgiving. My kitty Noodle is sitting here next to me, curled up and taking a cat nap... something I wish I could be doing right now. I'm in that annoying limbo though, where I just feel so darn exhausted I want so badly to sleep, but I'm in too much pain to fall asleep.
Logan is trying to cuddle my pain away. He wishes it could work. I do too. I've been sort of melancholy this past week, just a little down and not sure why. Probably all the stresses lately - trying to work my hardest at work and school, being in a lot of pain, paying the bills, etc. etc. I've also just been so darn tired... of course I always have been, but it's like my fatigue has tripled this past month. My mom thinks it's the weather. I'm not sure.
All I know is I'm losing money and lowering my GPA cause of it... every Monday through Friday I have to be somewhere by 9am - school 3 days a week and work 2 days a week. Well I've been missing most of my morning classes and a lot of my morning hours at work too lately. I'll set 5 alarms and I even set a bright lamp on a timer to turn on in my face at 7am. But I either sleep through it all or hardly wake up and be too exhausted and in pain to move. I haven't been getting anywhere til 11am most days... or even later sometimes. It's embarassing to admit that I'm completely missing my morning psych class, even though I so badly want to be there, and showing up late to work so much. But I'm trying so, so hard to beat this... Luckily winter quarter my first class won't be til 10:30am so it should be easier. And I talked to my boss about adjusting my hours and she is so kind and understanding and just said "we will see you when you feel up to getting here." But either way, I'm losing like $300+ a month just from missing those mornings.
Bleh. I didn't just come here to vent, vent, vent. *Stop it, Jessica* More actual updates... Had an appointment with my pulmonologist the other day. She had me do PFTs (scored a little worse this time...) and get a chest catscan and some blood draws (we are checking my immune system). She then nagged me about taking all my medicines and doing my breathing treatments and my chest physiotherapy....twice, every. single. day. (A routine that takes over an hour... I'm supposed to add this to my already-running-late mornings and my already-too-exhausted nights??) I don't know if I told y'all before, but she recently diagnosed me with Chronic Bronchitis - a type of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. This has added a lot of treatments into my daily routine that I just can't find time for! And some parts are unpleasant and painful to do too.
Hrmph. Well I just was able to complete that last sentence, then my brain said "I'm too tired, I give up." It's crazy how quick brain fog can come up... well I'm sorry to cut you off like this. I know I had much more to say but I don't remember now...
Goodnight <3
Just keep swimming
Logan is trying to cuddle my pain away. He wishes it could work. I do too. I've been sort of melancholy this past week, just a little down and not sure why. Probably all the stresses lately - trying to work my hardest at work and school, being in a lot of pain, paying the bills, etc. etc. I've also just been so darn tired... of course I always have been, but it's like my fatigue has tripled this past month. My mom thinks it's the weather. I'm not sure.
All I know is I'm losing money and lowering my GPA cause of it... every Monday through Friday I have to be somewhere by 9am - school 3 days a week and work 2 days a week. Well I've been missing most of my morning classes and a lot of my morning hours at work too lately. I'll set 5 alarms and I even set a bright lamp on a timer to turn on in my face at 7am. But I either sleep through it all or hardly wake up and be too exhausted and in pain to move. I haven't been getting anywhere til 11am most days... or even later sometimes. It's embarassing to admit that I'm completely missing my morning psych class, even though I so badly want to be there, and showing up late to work so much. But I'm trying so, so hard to beat this... Luckily winter quarter my first class won't be til 10:30am so it should be easier. And I talked to my boss about adjusting my hours and she is so kind and understanding and just said "we will see you when you feel up to getting here." But either way, I'm losing like $300+ a month just from missing those mornings.
Bleh. I didn't just come here to vent, vent, vent. *Stop it, Jessica* More actual updates... Had an appointment with my pulmonologist the other day. She had me do PFTs (scored a little worse this time...) and get a chest catscan and some blood draws (we are checking my immune system). She then nagged me about taking all my medicines and doing my breathing treatments and my chest physiotherapy....twice, every. single. day. (A routine that takes over an hour... I'm supposed to add this to my already-running-late mornings and my already-too-exhausted nights??) I don't know if I told y'all before, but she recently diagnosed me with Chronic Bronchitis - a type of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. This has added a lot of treatments into my daily routine that I just can't find time for! And some parts are unpleasant and painful to do too.
Hrmph. Well I just was able to complete that last sentence, then my brain said "I'm too tired, I give up." It's crazy how quick brain fog can come up... well I'm sorry to cut you off like this. I know I had much more to say but I don't remember now...
Goodnight <3
Just keep swimming
Sunday, November 4, 2012
*Listen*
Shh..Do you hear that? It's... my thoughts. I can hear them...
But...Impossible! I haven't been able to hear my thoughts in months - and, really, I shouldn't be able to hear them yet - because I have a midterm to study for tomorrow that I'm completely unprepared for. And a very messy apartment to pick up, and laundry to do, and dirty dishes in the sink, and breathing treatments to do, and homework to do as well, and a grandma to visit, and a ballot to drop off in front of city hall, and checks to pick up, and electricity and comcast bills to pay, and cat food to buy, and two papers to write and another to revise, and money to worry about, and a trip to plan, and no time left in the day to do it, and absolutely no energy to do it all either, but I can't be just laying here on the couch! It doesn't matter how terrible I feel! and, and, and, and, andandandandaaaaaa... uh oh. see what happens when I let myself think? Time to shut down again and go back to sleep.
But...Impossible! I haven't been able to hear my thoughts in months - and, really, I shouldn't be able to hear them yet - because I have a midterm to study for tomorrow that I'm completely unprepared for. And a very messy apartment to pick up, and laundry to do, and dirty dishes in the sink, and breathing treatments to do, and homework to do as well, and a grandma to visit, and a ballot to drop off in front of city hall, and checks to pick up, and electricity and comcast bills to pay, and cat food to buy, and two papers to write and another to revise, and money to worry about, and a trip to plan, and no time left in the day to do it, and absolutely no energy to do it all either, but I can't be just laying here on the couch! It doesn't matter how terrible I feel! and, and, and, and, andandandandaaaaaa... uh oh. see what happens when I let myself think? Time to shut down again and go back to sleep.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)